Voice Activated Car Radio
A lady bought a new €100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.
Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.
She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "country," and the radio changed to a station playing a Dolly Parton song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "rock 'n' roll;" the radio station changed and a song by the Rolling Stones came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.
A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily used an expletive "*******"
...The radio cut over to George Bush's press conference.
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his
father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up,
study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss
his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have
brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get
hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking
about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long
hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
The driver of a Mercedes was trying to park in a small space outside a ‘D4’ restaurant. On his third attempt a small sports car nipped in behind him. Jumping out, the driver, a youth, grinned and said, "If you were young and quick, you could have done that." Unperturbed, the driver of the Merc continued to reverse and smashed into the side of the sports car. Easing himself out, he smiled and said, "And if you were old and rich you could have done that!"
As Sean was
driving down the Motorway, his mobile phone rang.
He answered his phone (of course using his new hands free Bluetooth headset!!)
to hear his wife urgently saying,
“Sean, I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on the
motorway.
Please be careful!”
“Its not just one car, said Sean, it’s hundreds of them”
MY BROTHER, on vacation in
Malta, was appalled by the island's chaotic traffic, and asked the hotel keeper
why it was so disorderly.
"In some countries they drive on the right,
in others on the left," explained the hotelier.
"Here we drive in the shade."
TRAFFIC was heavy on the
service road to the airport.
Our bus driver signalled to change lanes so he could overtake a slowly moving car.
Just as he got ready to pass, the driver of the car put her arm out the window
indicating she was going to turn right.
Our driver drew back and waited for her to change lanes but she didn't.
After a minute she pulled her arm back in.
When we tried to pass her a second time, the woman again held out her hand
only to withdraw it a minute later.
"C'mon, lady, make up your mind," our driver mumbled.
Finally, after four false starts, we sped past her car.
I looked down to see the woman painting her fingernails.
As she finished each nail, she waved her arm out the window to let the polish
dry.
What part of the car causes the
most accidents?
The nut that holds the wheel.
I love good family humour, and need to constantly update my illustrations to pupils.
I often use humour in my teaching
to make a point.
Please
email in any good driving humour.
I will try and publish a variety of the best I receive from time to time.